Heavy Sigh

He bought me a dozen roses.
He sang me a new song every night.
He took some wood and carved a heart out of it.
He sent me a note while I was at work to brighten up my day.
He gave me a yellow flower when the sky was grey.
He took me out dancing, even though he didn't like to dance.
He likes to hold my hand, whether everyone is looking or not.
He likes to kiss, but not too much...
He doesn't want to lead me too far, he said...
He loves to joke around, and I love to smile at him.
He tells me everything that's on his mind, he doesn't hide.
He said that he does it because he loves me,
Because he can't help how he feels inside.
He said he wants my life to be like his started to be when he met me.
He wrote me a symphony.
Every day he makes a new poem and leaves it tacked onto my backpack.
Verses for me and me alone.
He always opens the door for me.
He never runs away.
I don't care if our romance doesn't last this way forever
Because he shows me every day what he is made of,
He is made of love.
I want this for my whole life.
I want a man made of the stuff that he's made of.
He has his faults, but he is good, internally.
I could trust this man with my heart
If he wasn't so made up.
At first I pulled back. I didn't believe him.
I thought it was a joke. I thought he had no reason.
I thought he was just pulling my rope,
To get me unhinged to get into bed with him.
Like they always do.
I thought he was making fun of me.
I didn't believe him.
He later asked me how long I'd be running away.
I told him, it is just because I can't stand to be loved in any way.
That way when it ends, I at least can say:
I never really knew love anyway. See?
He said, "Well I'll prove to you,
I'll prove to you that you are.
I'm different. You'll see. The difference is me, this time, it's me."

"You can dry your salty tears,
Leave behind those lonely years.
I always knew inside my heart
There's be a brilliant girl somewhere
Who can sing and dance and play and write
Who is so beautiful."

And I damn myself by dreaming up such a guy.
I curse myself and wish to die a thousand
Thousand times.
Vanity vanity vanity.
Who am I to think ANYONE
Ever could feel this way for me?
I'm stupid, so so stupid for ever believing in love.
I hate romance.
I hate that which I can never have but want.
It ruins me.
All the potential that I would have if only...

If only I were numb all of the time.

Whoever said that it is better to have loved and lost...
They were obviously a man.

I guess you must be happy.
I'm sure you're glad to see me this way
You think I won't remember
Every day.

So the bitterness lingers.
This night, it's not only me.
This time, it's more than just heartstrings being pulled here and there.