Drowning

Don't surround yourself with your self.
Move on back two squares.
The words from your move
Now take on different meaning.
I have surrounded myself
And now I am drowning in the life that
I cannot live.

I am finding myself surrounded by wonderful things
All of which are trying to kill me.
And most of all, I'm finding that I'm losing
My own self. My own sense of being
I'm stuck, sinking in a swamp full of
Beautiful water lillies.
But ultimately, they consume me
Until I have no drive to do anything.
Until I have no purpose
Or wish to survive anymore.
Until I have no want to breathe.
My action has no reaction,
Defying the laws of physics.

No bounty from me is reaped.
No love is formed, no ice broken.
It is not just because of the shadows.
It is not just because of my own inner battles.
It is because of my surroundings.
I leave the home to enrich my mind.
I can't enrich my mind, though...
WHeN I'vE lOsT it.

I come home for safety and shelter
To find that there is none, really.
There is love, but not shelter,
There is peace, but not peace of mind.

I leave to work for some money,
And that is the only thing that brings me any peace anymore.

And I have less and less time to do it.
I need to take more time for myself

Why is this existence so...............purposeless?
Why is it so.............agitating?

Because now I am crashing
Diving, falling,
Drowning.